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| Facinated, you bet... |
| 10.29.04 (2:51 pm) [edit] |
Well to most that know me this won't come as too much of a shock. I'm facintated by men. Now that doesn't mean that I have a Chippendale's calendar hanging in my bedroom (my crafts room actually) or that I oogle guys as they walk down the street.
It does mean that that other species that masquerades as the other half of my own fascinates me.
I offer these Rules of Manhood as an example of why...(note at a guess given the language involved these came from a British or perhaps a European site...a tip: MATE = friend :) I was given no reference for where this comes from, so if you know, I'd appreciate the info to give a nod to the author (not to miss mentioning copyright details as well).
(Italics mine)
Rules of Manhood
01: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. Okay, this one I'll let go... not to sure how I feel about two women sharing one either, unless they are lifelong friends or family.
02: It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.I'd like to see someone NOT cry then. (said somewhat indignantly)
b. The moment Angelina Jolie or Halle Berry (or both) starts unbuttoning her blouse.Ahem
c. After wrecking your boss' car. Girls get to do this when they wreck anyone's car, see how fair we are?
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". I've never actually seen this movie, so can't comment.
e. When she is using her teeth meh, and just lets it go.
03: Any Man who brings a camera to boys night out may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.
04: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
05: If you've known another man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her. Seems to me that defeats the purpose of having brothers with friends.
06: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friends fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
07: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional. Alright fine, but does it have to bleed over to forgetting your girl's birthday too?
08: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. Men have also invented cars that go too damn far on one tank of gas as well...I'm sensing a conspiracy here...
09: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. Just... ICKS
11: It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach...and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. And yet, invite a guy to watch an all girls mud wrestling match...
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or the double switch) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.Yeah, like we -want- to sit in front of the tv hollering and slapping each other's asses every holiday ... There's shopping to be done, thank you very much.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. You know, I can't really argue with this one, call me oldfashioned... well sort of, I guess it depends how suggestively dressed she is, and for what purpose...
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both thats just mean.
19: If you compliment a man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. GIGGLES
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. *EYE ROLL* What the hell do they do if they need extra tissue?
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. Is that why they're so damned concerned with how long they were going for...
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was. No comment, okay just one... PIG
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. EVIL EYE
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. Orange, snicker...
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story. Here's a tip, boys, think diamonds and gold and ring fingers...cause that's what we bloody well mean you dorks.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Mens Gymnastics. Ever. Heh, well for the most part I tend to agree with that, who wants them around then anyways...
Now, first of all, why do they need a written set of rules? Don't they realize that under any given set of circumstances there are any number of responses to all of these situations? I mean really... women just make things up and given some of the creativity I've seen from a guy or two, at squirming, I'd think they'd be just as capable of just making it up as they go along.
Second, are there truly MEN police out there, checking to see if one guy talks to another in the john? Who gets -that- job? Who -wants- that job?
And that whole set of beer rules... only men would have rules about BEER.
So men will continue to fascinate me with their sport rituals and silly bathroom rules of behaviour. They also make me want to pick them apart to figure out what makes 'em tick... but then they get all broken and metrosexual when you get too deep into the whole feelings thing.
So guys, despite more than one joke about you, and your various types of behaviour... that makes me nearly pee my pants with laughter and glee; here's one gal who's pretty happy you guys are guys and she's a gal.
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| Traditions (warning rambling version) |
| 10.25.04 (3:29 pm) [edit] |
Ok so I'm a sap.. but I'm a Proud Sap.
I grew up (at least to the age of 17 if not UP) in Saskatchewan. I count myself lucky to have gone to the same school from kindergarten to graduation with the same group of kids. I knew where everyone lived, who lived on the dead end roads and who'd lived in most of the houses in the area for years, some even for generations. I didn't need range road numbers or trunk road numbers, I simply turned left at Brule's barn or right at Dearing's farm or went north for two roads after the Albertville church.
The new people really were the family that moved to the area 20 years prior. There were a few exceptions...as we all expected a new family owning the hotel or the general store. But see they weren't absolutely, totally a part of the community; although some families did persist past the silliness that is small town and become residents of the area. But for most of the families that came to run the store or the hotel that was a temporary standing and most expected, even anticipated a change after 5 years or so. After all, we got new items at the store every 5 years or so and there was always some new special on the 2 glasses of draft and tomato juice at the local hotel. Us kids didn't mind it either. We had new friends, or targets sometimes :( and since they didn't know us from preconception, we were able to sneak into this or that hotel now and again. Heh, I still drink my beer with a shot of clamato juice *GRIN*. Now don't be thinking that we made them feel unwelcome. We weren't exactly like the local folk on the movie Funny Farm. We included them in all the community activities, their kids were valedictorians of their classes, historians and considered OURS but there was just something about being born knowing who you were, and where you lived and that every one else knew that too.
Then at the wise oh so wise and knowledgeable age of 17 (and a half mind you) I moved to Calgary. Me and my giant pink elephant on the Greyhound. Little did my girlfriend's old roommate (who I'd only spoken with on the phone) realize, but I was serious about the "oh, you'll recognise me no problem. I'll be the one with the pink elephant." *snicker*.
Anyway, to the point of my post. Early on in my time here in Alberta, I grew to love the province, and in particular the city of Calgary. Yes, I did get the hell out of town as soon as I could but as far as cities go, Calgary's alright. In the early 80's the tourist board came up with the slogan, 'SMILE, You're a tourist attraction' I took it seriously and have been greeting people from other countries with a broad smile and a 'Welcome to Canada' ever since. It still impresses me that I can swim, ice skate and ski (if I did downhill ski) at Olympic class facilities and never leave the city limits. Not to mention visit the history of the province all lovingly and carefully recreated in a park on the bank of the Glenmore Resevoir. I love to tell people about my adopted home.
When my kids were little, we used to travel over an hour from the city to our home. I would encourage them gently (alright alright, yes I told them they had to) to wave to all out of province and country plates. For one thing it made them aware of the many visitors to our province and for another, well darn it, it was an hour long drive... I had to keep them busy somehow and PunchBuggy just didn't make for a peaceful trip. As they grew older I heard an awful lot of whining and wingeing about that so we dropped it for a more peaceful? ride of walkmans and teen chatter. I thought our game was dead. Then I spoke with my oldest daughter's community leader and was told about this *wonderful* game that my daughters had initiated on their busride.
It was then that I realized that a tradition had been created. For years I'd celebrated certain things, certain ways, because my mom/dad/aunt/uncle etc did it that way. Slowly those traditions evolved and became mine and now my children's. To have my oldest daughter phone for the cheese biscuit recipe, to get the sad looks and questions about where their Christmas pyjamas are (at 23, 19, 18), to see my son driving and hear him complaining about the same idiots I do...those are traditions that matter...
So the next time your kids whine about how you always do something the same way, smile to yourself and know that one day they do it that way too, with just enough of a change to make it their tradition instead of yours.
What traditions have you made yours over the years? Feel free to leave them in the comments with a link to your own blog.
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| Idle thoughts |
| 10.20.04 (8:21 pm) [edit] |
I dunno if anyone else ever wonders about stuff like this but sometimes I see things on my drive home or to school and just sort of shake my head. Like the lone running shoe in the middle of the road.
Something that's been puzzling me for years, where's the other shoe? I have often enough to have wondered about it, seen one running shoe (usually it's a running shoe for some reason) on the road. I remember reading somewhere about the movie Mad Max and the symbolism of the little boy's shoe hitting the road and had that confirmed by some tow truck drivers and ambulance attendants over the years, that a person will slip from their shoes if they die suddenly... so when I see one shoe on the road I have this somewhat irrational urge to stop and search the ditches. I mean, what if...
Then, what passes for rationality in my life kicks in and I get to wondering how does one lose just one shoe? A shirt I can sort of understand. You're working and you take it off because it's gotten too hot or dirty and toss it in the back of the truck box where the wind whips it out onto the road. But a shoe?
Any thoughts?
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| And just to even things out :) |
| 10.15.04 (2:51 am) [edit] |
Your Hippie Chick Name is: Sunny
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| Well it don't matter, being Canuck but eh... |
| 10.15.04 (2:44 am) [edit] |
You Should Vote For Bush |
(You May Want to Hide This From Your Left-y Blogger Friends) |
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| Sad day. |
| 10.12.04 (9:07 pm) [edit] |
On Sunday October 3rd, 2004, we put Keys down.
We no longer have any boxers in our house. The first time in 13 1/2 years. I don't know how to convey how we feel, but perhaps some of you know.
Keys was a good dog, he trusted me to the very end, never once did his teeth touch my skin, not even when I pulled porcupine quills out of his tongue and gums (too many times to mention, stupid dog never did figure out those porcupines)
My favourite memory is all of them of course. But one favourite story is of his penchant for not liking things floating in the water. He'd dive down and tug at the branch that sticks out of a beaver dam and any sticks had to be retrieved. One time, we were walking along the Bow River and he decided that the Canada Goose gander that was circling his mate on their nest, didn't need to be on the water. Before I could stop him he'd waded out into the river (it was fairly shallow there, but fastflowing) and had grabbed the gander by the wing and was intently working his way towards shore. The goose, however had a much different agenda. He was rather intent on first getting free and then giving this upstart of a dog a serious shitkicking or wingbeating as it were. Keys valiantly made his way to shore, his teeth holding the goose's wing while the other beat a series of welts over his ribs. Finally he gets to shore.
ME, you ask. Oh, while this is going on, I'm hollering at him to leave it be, and envisioning a park ranger appearing out of some tree or something to shoot my dog, as Canada Geese are protected here. So when he finally gets to shore and I can see his ears turning to my now nearly hoarse cries I'm quite relieved... right up until he lets go of the goose (I mean it's on the ground now, he doesn't need to hold onto it anymore). Does the goose do the upstanding moral high ground thing? He does not. He does what any pissed off male does, protecting his mate. HE attacks the root of the problem, or so he sees it. ME. Yep, me. And let me tell you if you've never been goosed by a Canada Goose, well... let it be one of those things you just wonder about ok? It leaves a mark, man.
Rest well Keeyzer dog. Rest Well.
Bogies Key Largo II NuBYU (April 12, 1992- October 3rd, 2004)
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| Sage advice: |
| 10.11.04 (6:21 pm) [edit] |
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"One of the things about dreams is... sometimes we need to hold them just enough that we remember them, but not so hard that they break apart in our hands..."
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| An interesting conversation. |
| 10.06.04 (2:55 am) [edit] |
Yes, this is a new post, don't anyone fall over dead or nothing :)
This is an excerpt from a conversation I had with 3 friends of mine (all in their 20's .... woohhooo look at me hangin' with the young guys ;), and all residents of the US)
Enjoy:
Aishling isn't being a snot, but is curious. How many provinces of canada can you guys name?
Drakoe says, "Conservatives claim a lot of things."
Drakoe ums.. "Alberta..Ontario.."
Drakoe ohs! "The Yukon..heh."
Kisiri hmmmms, "BC, Alberta, Ontario... grrrr...
Kisiri grins, "I get confused between the cities and the provinces :D
Drakoe does too.
Drakoe says, "Which is why I'm now cheating and looking them up."
Silkis says, "Let's see... um, Sasqatchewan. :)"
Silkis says, "And Quebec!"
Silkis says, "And the ones Kisiri said."
Drakoe blinks. "I thought Quebec was a city? Or is it both?"
Kisiri says, "Is it Newfoundland or something like that? :D"
Drakoe says, "Like the US Kansas."
Silkis says, "No Quebec is a province."
Silkis says, "They've been toying with the idea of trying to secede for years."
Drakoe ums.. "Newfoundland is a country, near NEw Zealand I think."
Aishling names states off the top of her head. Alabama, Arkansas, Alaska, N Dakota, S Dakota, Washington, Oregon, California, Colorado, New Mexico, Texas, Nevada, N. Carolina, S. Carolina, Vermont, Maine, Rhode Island, New York, Georgia, Florida, Montana, Missouri, Mississippi, Illinois, Iowa, Ohio, Michigan, Kansas, Hawaii, Tennessee, Deleware.
Kisiri hrms... the island on the east end of the country :D
Kisiri thpppts at Aish.
Silkis shakes his head. "No, Newfoundland is in Canada. It was named by the Viking explorers. I forget if it's a province or just a region, though."
Drakoe umms.. "Nova Scotia?"
Kisiri says, "That's it :D"
Silkis nyeahs at Aishling. "Now do the capitals!"
Kisiri grins... has flashbacks to the countries of the world, as sung by Yakko Warner :D
nickers softly, "Quebec City is the Capital city of Quebec the province, Newfoundland is a province at the eastern tip of Canada. British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, Quebec, Newfoundland, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island, 3 territories, Yukon, North West Territories and Inuvik."
Aishling laughs.. well I can tell you this, the capital of Canada is NOT toronto :)
Kisiri fehs... should have remembered Manitoba :)
Kisiri says, "Ottawa, right? :)"
Aishling nods at Kis.
Kisiri grins... almost spouted that off as a province... looked at it and wrinkled a brow cause it didn't sound right. Knew there was a reason and couldn't remember it right away :D
nickers softly, "Bismarck ND, Helena, MT, Portland OR, Seattle WA, San Jose, CA,."
nickers softly, "Atlanta, Georgia, Albany NY, Sioux Falls, SD, should I goon?"
Silkis meant the US states, but was just teasing. ;)
Kisiri grins at Aish, "Pierre, SD.
Aishling pokes Silk ;) look up.
Aishling laughs, ok. did I get any others wrong?
Drakoe quirks a brow at Silk.. "Those *are* the US state capitals."
Kisiri says, "And... I think CA is Sacramento?"
Aishling nods, right, I just knew it wasn't LA.. ;) this -is- off the top of my head. :)
Silkis nods.
Kisiri grins, "I was excellent at capitals in grade school. To say I've lost some of that is an understatement :p
Silkis says, "I can remember most of them. Which apparently doesn't include Montana."
Drakoe remembers..um..his own state's, and Austin, TX..and..Indianapolis, IN..and.. "That's about it.."
nickers softly, "Victoria, BC, Edmonton, AB, Regina, SK, Winnipeg, MB, Toronto, ON, Quebec City, PQ, St John's NFLD, St. John, NB, Halifax, NS, Charlottetown, PEI."
Kisiri offers a refresher: http://www.50states.com/
nickers softly, "Anchorage, Alaska"
Kisiri giggles, "I knew Washington didn't sound right... Olympia, dear :)
Kisiri says, "Sadly I had to look that up too :p"
nickers softly, "Name 10 countries in the world, not including the following: USA, CANADA, RUSSIA, BRITAIN, FRANCE, or Germany."
Kisiri says, "And Oregon is Salem :)"
Aishling laughs... well at least I got some right LOL
Silkis says, "Ten? Easy!"
Aishling listens, not including those I mentioned. ;)
Drakoe says, "Spain, Italy, Nigeria, Niger, Cuba, Iraq, Afghanistan, Turkey, Turkmhenistan, Isreal, Palistine, Niger..."
Drakoe oopses..listed Niger twice..
Kisiri says, "Peru, Brazil, Kenya, South Africa, Japan, China, Vietnam, S. Korea, N. Korea, Austrailia, New Zealand... etc."
Silkis says, "Vatican City, Luxembourg, Switzerland, The Czech Republic, Slovakia, Spain, Portugal, Norway, Sweden, Denmark."
Aishling assumes you guys are cheating ;)
Silkis totally isn't!
Drakoe isn't either.
Kisiri says, "Nope :)"
Silkis says, "Gimme enough time to type, and I can give you all of Europe, and a decent chunk of Asia, too."
Aishling laughs, meant to say AREN'T truly, sorry about that. ;)
Kisiri giggles :D
nickers softly, "But you don't know anything or barely anything about Canada... your nearest neighbour ;)"
Drakoe says, "Uruquay, Paraquay, Panama, Puerto Rico, Morocco, Jamaica, India.."
Kisiri heys! I knew the capital :D
Silkis says, "I know it's there. _"
Kisiri says, "It's big... and cold!"
Drakoe snorts. "We know its canada, that's all you asked us with the country names.
Silkis says, "You didn't ask for anything detailed about those countries."
Drakoe says, "And it's north of us."
Kisiri says, "And it has beeeeeeer!"
Drakoe says, "Longest unguarded border in the world."
Drakoe says, "And you say 'eh' a lot."
Kisiri says, "And Bob and Doug McKenzie!"
Silkis says, "And you have mounties! Your cops are way cooler than ours."
Drakoe says, "And have moose."
Drakoe says, "And mounties."
Aishling Laughs, Actually Kis. :) Chicago's mean temp during the winter is much lower than where I live :)
Silkis says, "Marijuana and gay marriage are legal there, too."
Kisiri nearly falls off the chair at the list we're creating :D
Drakoe nudges Silk. "Go to NYC sometime, there's still cops on horseback.
Aishling laughs, and not just in Central Park either. ;)
Drakoe says, "Don't you guys have universal health care up there too?"
Silkis says, "Not in those neat red uniforms, though. :p"
Drakoe nods. "Or those stylish hats."
Aishling should use this conversation for a blog entry, guys, would you mind? I'll change names ;)
Kisiri nods, "So sick people can actually... *gasp*... get treated!
Silkis laughs. "Sure, sure."
Drakoe mehs. "Go for it."
Kisiri grins and nods, doesn't mind :D
Drakoe says, "And you dno't have a deficit. Haven't had one for a long time, as I recall."
nickers softly, "Um, Alberta doesn't, Canada does."
Drakoe ohs..
Drakoe says, "OKay then."
Kisiri cheers, "We're blog-fodder! :D
Drakoe oh yeahs. "Your drugs are cheap enough that we buy back the stuff we export to you in the first place. At least, we would if the FDA wasn't trying to label it as unsafe."
Aishling would really like to use this, but only if you all don't mind ;)
Silkis says, "Before you pass judgement, I wasn'"
Drakoe pokes. "We already said go for it."
Silkis says, "I wasn't being ENTIRELY serious. ;p"
nickers softly, "About what Silk?"
Drakoe says, "The mounties, I assume."
Kisiri grins and nods, thinks we were making a 'silly' list a few moments ago :D
Silkis says, "I wasn't exhaustively trying to recall all known facts about Canada."
Aishling ohs, missed that Drakoe. ;) But it's the first things you guys thought to say... I find that interesting... so no one minds? Anyone want their names changed?
Silkis says, "'I know it's there' isn't a very serious answer. :D"
Drakoe oh yeahs, "According to my parents, you have huge swarms of mosquitos from time to time."
Kisiri chuckles, is fine with his as-is :D
Drakoe snickers at Silk, "Somehow, that's a lot funnier the second time around."
Aishling laughs at Silk, but it's honest. And yes Drakoe, sometimes we do, but the black flies in the bush are worse in my opinion :)
Silkis says, "I don't care which name you use. I doubt anybody else I know reads your blog."
Drakoe would probably have a heart attack if he had to deal with a cloud of mosquitos.
Kisiri grins, "They're the state bird back in Minnesota :D
Drakoe says, "What is, mosquitos?"
Kisiri nods! :D
Drakoe makes a mental note: Never go to Minnesota. Nuke if possible.
Aishling sorries, Kis, forgot Minnesota ;) capital is St. Paul?
Silkis laughs
Kisiri laughs... and yes, Aish :)
Kisiri says, "How about Illinois? And don't you dare say Chicago :D"
Drakoe ums.. "Potato?"
nickers softly, "Milwaukee Wisconsin? Yes?"
Kisiri grins, "Nope... Madison :)
nickers softly, "It's near Decator, is all I know Kis :)"
nickers softly, "So it's Madison WI? "
Kisiri chuckles and nods, "That it is. Springfield. Home of the Simpsons ;)
And dear readers is part of how I spend time online. ;)
Thanks to Kisiri, Drakoe and Silkis for letting me use this conversation ;) And yes, I do nicker, I am a unicorn after all.
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